Tag Archives: fear of being unloved

Aging and Suicide

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Today a release in the Albuquerque Journal Staff Wire headlined “Brother, Sister Die in Likely Murder-Suicide.” Police identified the victims as Kenneth and Shirley Robson, both of whom were in their 60′s. The brother was a caretaker for his sister and they lived in a mobile home. Police detectives speculate that either health or financial problems prompted the murder-suicide.

Perhaps their problems might have been spiritual. I wonder if loneliness and fear were the motivating factors. Our society is one that promises a “safety net”. But what is the safety net for despair? Did the brother in seeking help for his sister get handed a lot of forms with stern admonitions about qualifying for help. Was he met with hard faces at the agencies where he went for help? Did he belong to a church? Did the church look beneath the surface to see the despair? Or were they just overlooked by all these organizations of help as a an unnecessary impediment to their mission.

People over 80 have the highest rates of suicide in the country. Why? They are too often left alone to cope on insufficient incomes and illness without people who befriend them.

While there are many people genuinely trying to help people like the Robsons, I don’t think that government agencies or even churches are the best way for them to get help. Neighbor’s who look out for warning signs, who visit even though they have busy lives, who try to understand the neglected and desperate are the foundation of help. It is so easy to turn a blind eye to the desperate.

How often when I have tried to help someone who seemed needy have I been rebuffed or perhaps my help was abused; the need was feigned. As a consequence I have found myself looking away from problems and letting myself grow cynical. When I do this I miss the chance to help someone genuinely in need that God is calling me to help. I am sure that what I have done is a terrible thing in th<a
Let's look around us and notice those in need. Those who aren't visited, who remain alone day after day and remember what our Lord said about helping our neighbor and the widow and the orphan. Let's not wait for the agency to step in but get them the help they need.

Please let me know what you think about the Robson's. It may be that nothing could have been done. Yet again something might have been done and wasn't. God forgive us if that is true.

Why Would Jesus Need to Die for Me?

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This post is a bit off topic but not really.

Yesterday evening, Ryan, a young man I met about a year ago stopped by my place to help me with a computer problem. Both of us being tired just sat there after he fixed the problem and talked. We talked about my belief in Christ. Ryan told me that he had heard a young man on the radio say just what he was thinking. “Why would Jesus need to die for me. Why isn’t my saying I’m sorry enough?” As I groped for an answer. I thought of Ryan’s two-year old son whom we had just been discussing.

I then hypothesized, “Suppose your son was grown and he looked you in the eye and told you he was going to betray his country and nothing you could say would stop him. Then suppose the result of the betrayal was that a million people including everyone you love died an agonizing death.

How could your son ever get right with you again? The size of what he had done would be insurmountable. You would want to forgive him but could you when things weren’t set right. Yet how could your son ever set it right? No matter how repentant he was. No matter how much you loved him. The enormity of the betrayal would still be there. All those people would still be dead.”

We then talked about the meaning of going against the infinite God and how we choose to do it every day. I explained that even a small offence against God is infinite not because of our nature but because of the nature of the one we are offending. While in my example the son’s offence was not infinite the consequences of the sin were so large that no human could deal with it. I then said that because God is infinitely good the smallest offence against his will is infinite. We simply are not able on our own to cross the breach between us and God.

That is why our gracious God gave us his Son to breach that gap. The whole Old Testament is a foreshadowing of the sacrifice of the One who finally made mankind right with his creator. Only the death of God himself could pay the price of our sin.

Ryan said that for the first time he understood why Jesus was crucified. He said he wanted to talk about the resurrection next. God help me! After he left I sat there and wondered about the inadequacy of my explanation.

I would love your comments and suggestions. I would like to do better next time.

The Kindness of Strangers

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Often I am aware of how alone I am. I have no family and my friends are the practical kind, we sometimes do things together.

I made arrangements for my own funeral and body disposal since there is no one to do it when the time comes. I carry a device which allows me to call for help if an emergency arises no matter where I am. I depend on the kindness of strangers in an emergency.

My worst fears are living in a public nursing home, left in my mess to lie for hours while unfeeling staffers ignore me knowing I can’t cry out. That I have no one to help me. So many have passed the end of their lives this way. A final suffering of indignity. To be utterly unwanted and unnoticed. Their passing just a blip on the surface of time.

Yet I know a couple who have a son who cannot see or walk or talk but he can and does smile. He is in his thirties and knows he is loved. The mother’s life revolves around her son. I have never discussed it with the couple but I’ll bet they have made every arrangement to have him looked after when they no longer can. But I am sure they must fear for him.

One person in a loving couple can probably depend on the care of the surviving spouse. But that spouse may have indifferent children or none at all and face the same fears I do.

Suicide is a solution. Surely Job thought about it as he sat on the ash heap with only uncaring friends and a wife who wished him to die. Why didn’t he do it? God wasn’t there for him as he had been in the past. He wasn’t answering Job’s questions about why this was happening. His friends were telling him it was his fault because he sinned. They told him God would never had done this if Job hadn’t sinned. Yet Job knew himself to be innocent.

People speak of the patience of Job yet what choice did he have? The one thing he knew was that God had loved him in the past. I think he was sure that contrary to what he was experiencing God’s nature had not changed. That there was something in the situation he didn’t understand. And he sure did ask. But God remained silent.

We know what Job didn’t know. That God was allowing the Devil to tempt him to prove that Job was a truly good man who loved God. But God never did explain this to Job. He asked him “Where were you when I created the earth?’ Job 38:4. He then asked him the same question about God’s creation of the heavens and all the creatures of the earth. God pointed to his creation and his power. Finally Job understood just how small he was in comparison to God and he said:

“You said, ‘Listen now and I will speak;
I will question you,
and you shall answer me’
My ears had heard of you,
but now my eyes have seen you.
Therefore I despise myself
and repent in dust and ashes.”
Job 42:4-6

Did he repent for a sin he just remembered. No. He repented for not recognizing God’s absolute power over his creation.

So it seems that my only recourse in my fear is to remember Job and endure just as he did because I know that God is good. Also I pray for kindness of strangers.

Friends, write to me and I will pray for you and ask your prayers for me.